Quiet!

The ink of my mind has been chronically drying. Lately, in years for the first time, I have come to know what is to be quiet. Not the usual quiet. The unusually weird and thrilling kind of a quiet. Particles of stillness lumber around the room. I can see light breaking through them. Splintering into minuscules of individual suns. Suns, floating around in the room, sticking themselves to the walls and the curtain, settling on the eye lid of this lover that sleeps next to me.

I do not see his body. I cannot touch upon his hairless skin or the bush of his hair. I see only the parts, on which these million suns, like dew, roll.

From Inspiration collection
Experiencing Silence in parts, interwoven with his love for mountains and my love for breaking.

For today I see eyelids. As sun sets on the west of our intoxicated horizon, and rises from the east of our yearnings. I see the the eyelids that engulf the blazing crimson at the dusk, when we soaked ourselves in a watering hole, and the eyelids that unleash the overwhelming desire, compassion and togetherness into a light breaking dawn, where we wake up to part.

His eyelids flutter too much, quietly. In the midst of the sleep, they lose the count of the time and frequency of the flinches, shutter-bugging without any stimuli. Seems like they mime to themselves, and talk. Talk in the language so quiet, that it seems nearly ignorant of my presence outside them. Perhaps they have taken a picture of me and pasted it on the retina, and then they mop my image clean with few drops of tears that have built a perennial canal of dreams and thoughts.

I am happy to be cleaned out. Wiped off. I fall short of words and I stop talking to find his stoic eyes, enduring me like any other pain, luring me. It opens to acknowledge my presence and in split seconds slams me out, fearful of my intense magnetic stare.

At that slamming, I am fevered and I shiver, outside. Just as I was marching in, into his eyes, an inch at a time, a bit at a go, he closed midway. Now my half hangs outside, and half holds within. I flutter like a butterfly, half a wing hooked between a closed door, trying to pull itself away. Careful! The wings are brittle. Might torn apart. He snarls and sucks me in through his eyelids. Leaving me quieter. From passionately twitching to be left into the arms of the breaking silence of the dawn to giving in, to be pinned down, between the tiniest pair of eye rims.

Immediately, a stillness of surrender seeps inside me. Subservience is beauty at the behest of a genuine cluster of emotions, maybe devoid of love, however stacked with the pointlessly painful care and admiration.

Tranquility comes with unreasonable quiet, and I speak too much in the daylight. I ponder flower to flower, suck the nectar, and mound it in my hive. At night, in his encompassing embrace I bathe us in the honey dew. Honey drops emulating the million suns, that were created on my quest to calm.

I grow quieter. Quieter within and without. With him, or without.

-Kanksshi, From the land of Mystica

Bleed!

IMG_20170430_234632_719
A Bronze Typewriter from a Vintage Collection at KalaGhoda Art Festival 2017, Mumbai. Clicked- Kanksshi Agarwal Date- February 9th 2017

Bleed while you are alive.
As Dead are not hydrated with the blood in their veins
Or moisture in their eyes
They devour the myths of glistened skin, a rose-berry smelling neckline, a hardened muscular bone, or a creased bow tie.
Succinctly, dead lack the patience to remain flowing
They just Drop. Drop in the fire or in a corpse and become ashes. Solid, grey, powdered fine particles, atoms close together, unlike blood which streams.

So, Bleed.

Bleed words and versify while your fingers can touch the marvels of the sand dunes resting over a bridge between a promiscuous lover’s infidelity and a poly-amorous lover’s scintillating capacity to brim love to all without loving you any less.
Bleed, while you can be hurt and hope to heal.
Bleed while you have a muse who doesn’t wants to return home. As her home is a war torne piece of meat.
Bleed while politicians saddle your aspirations and crumple your dreams like a pendulum in the thin air.
Bleed while religions are belligerent, and arouse a sword.
Bleed, while you are agitated and you have read the constitution of the land to demand for your rights.
Bleed, while philosophy is not abstract but analytical, and mathematics emanates from it.
Bleed, while there is a reasonable war to fight and love to lose.
Bleed, till they bathe in the river of your presence and chastise the worms which gobbled the papers of your typewriter.
Bleed, till they stop bleeding in the name of God.

-Kanksshi

From the Land of Mystica

He is.

img_20170127_180804He is.

He is a harsh struggle,

and when he comes to me his hands tied and

eyes shut his body trembling in fear and embarrassment I,

the unchanging universe embrace him with his infidelities.

The salts and smells of other women the teeth marks and the blood stains on his limbs

come calling my name and then

He, slowly in his nervous laughter drowns in sleep with his head on my lap.

I, the universe

He, the earth

insignificant

yet

Marvelously astonishing

He is a small planet, fighting wars to survive one day at a time

And as he gazes at me

The other eyes, that are entrenched on every pore of my body

Look at him, and binds him to me

Through the threads of a widow’s yarn

His breasts filled with water. It ruffles at the wink of my flirtatious moons,

those tears of a hungry cub come brimming out of his eyes,

he is a fighter with moist sights

He succumbs every night

As he let my kisses be planted on the ceiling of his abode

My pecks appear as the stars on his sky

He, the earth.

I, the universe

His voice cannot be heard, escape his body

My benevolence cannot be touched, escape my entirety

He is the drunkard High on the idea of life

I am the grape, the brewery, the Oktoberfest, and the drunkard himself

I, the universe!

that contains him

He, the earth!

weaving little universe of his own.

~From the Land of Mystical Hiraeth-  The mystery of the cosmos.

Kanksshi Agarwal

The Incessant Incense.

index

I am scattered. Like dirt and air around you. The incense burning in my womb, is not letting me sleep. It burns slower than my cigarettes. These days, I cant even spell “cigarette” correctly. My first attempt in self-correction was when I was marred by my peer for using incorrect grammar. I have been self-marring since then. I change. I do not like most of my versions, and this is my umpteenth one. I almost wonder every night, what smell is my incense? Is it the taste of the soil after the rains? Or it tastes like golden wood? Like the leather of my purse, as I have clutched it between my teeth, when I use a public loo. Does my incense smell like a butter-piece scrub in the holy water bath? It must have a taste. One that defines the scent. I want to eat the fragrances, when one crosses the two wide holes of my nostril and bundle me up. I had seen a dog in my elevator day before. He sniffed and rubbed his nose over the elevator wall. I thought, he purred over the rusty element. He licked it innocently. I was told, he was enjoying the fragrance of some other dog or probably a bitch, who had been taken in the same elevator before him. He lurked.

I direly wish I could smell all humans who have lived before me. The fragrance would have spoken of their spilled blood and scoosh. Of the kisses planted on their skin, also the ink in their tissues. They would all have written letters to their loved ones, and etched it in the pockets of their limbs and calves.

I get tied to things very easily.  But things, they do not string me for long.

Half way, the dreads unbundle.

I fall lose.

Over the ground, almost breaking.

Not me!

The bundler’s spectacle. It broke. His judgement too.

He had bent down his arrogant head, to see how a thing of such menial confidence, doesn’t breaks. It cuddles itself, cross the two arms across the heart, shuts the eyes, and stare deep within her womb at the little light coming from the incense. The smoke filling up her conscience, leaves her body only when she opens her eyes. Puffs and garlands of suffocating smoke, had turned into tears, stranding her eyes red, and lips salty. This thing, this me, this I. I have been kissing my own tears, like the water from the brook. Brook, the poem I read in school. It flows in my dreams. It sometimes look murky to me. But I never get worried even when it appears so.

Brook has been painted so beautifully, that it has camouflaged the reality. Concepts are attached to things we wish to derive meaning from. The “ever-flowing” concept of brook, it makes me believe, that anything that comes down a hill, sprinkles and tumbles, carries with itself the moss and ferns, and sunshine dances over its shallow, and it brims to join the river can be called a brook. I see the inherent incense in me, becoming the brook. Because men may come, and men may go, but the loitering lust in my womb, to carry the world like an unborn baby inside me, goes on and on and forever.

~From the land of mystical hiraeth, Kanksshi.

#weavingabsolutereality